Craig Garber

My Father's Day confession, send me yours:

Either I’ve been duped or something’s wrong here.

Yesterday, as you know if you life here in the States, it was Father’s Day.

In the morning I went to pick up my daughter who’d been at a sleep-over the night before. I was talking to the dad of the house, and he was terrified that he had to spend Father’s day trapped with his kids.

Later on, I had to run over to Michael’s to get some pictures and posters framed, and I was talking with the clerk there, Joe. Joe, who’s a hell of a nice fellow (he’s helped me with framing several times) said, “Hey, how’d you manage to escape and get out here alone on Father’s Day?”

Then I dropped my bicycle off to be tuned up and I was talking to the shop owner, asking what he was doing for Father’s Day. “Thankfully, everyone in my family is out of town. So I’m just going to open a few beers, put a steak on the grill… and relax.”

How come all these dads – including myself – are so stressed out on Father’s Day?

I spent half the day feeling guilty, like a horrible father, because the truth is, I love my kids — I really mean that — and although I’m not going to win any kind of “father of the year award,” I’ve always been there for them and I continue putting tons of time and effort into educating them about life and supporting them through whatever crisis they have going on at the moment.

And in fact, I’d do anything I have to, to protect and nurture them, and although I let them learn life’s lessons the hard way, like all of us have to learn them, I’m always there to explain and show them what’s going on and how to avoid getting burned a second time.

But “en masse” they drive me nuts! Individually, they’re wonderful, but put them together and it’s like you’re at a chicken fight. All I want to do is escape!

I sit there thinking, “Why can’t my kids be like all the other kids on television. Sitting around the family table or out at a barbecue, getting along, tossing a ball or whatever?”

So here’s what I want to know: Is this just a spoof about real-world kids?

Do you too, love your kids but get driven nuts by them? Because I’m sitting there thinking, “This is unnatural to not want to be with your kids on Father’s Day. It’s like not wanting to be with your wife on Valentine’s Day or something.”

So let me know your experiences by either posting them to my blog at http://blog.kingofcopy.com or by replying to this message, and tell me if I’m the one who’s nuts and needs therapy, or if I’m normal, O.K?

Thanks.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S. Seductive Selling Newsletter headline this month: “It’s Not Easy Being Green” Take your 30-day free trial and get 15 bonus gifts, right here : http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

If you enjoyed this, pass it on to a few of your friends and business associates, and if you have any comments about this message, PLEASE — leave them here on my blog — it’s important you let me know what you’re thinking!:

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6 responses to “My Father's Day confession, send me yours:”

  1. Maria E. Andreu Avatar
    Maria E. Andreu

    Craig:

    As someone who decided she was going to do this parenting thing PERFECTLY (and we all know how well that works out), I did an enormous amount of research on what makes kids happy and a joy to be around. Needless to say, a lot of it being theoretical, I got a bit of a smack in the head when the real world stepped in and gave me my two children 18 months apart.

    Now 8 and nearly 7, my kids, as yours, are a joy individually, insightful, funny, interesting. Together they are hell on wheels, sucking the air out of the room until all you can do is tell them to stop or leave their vicinity.

    I have spent a lot of time pondering why, wondering if I’m raising society’s ill-mannered misfits or malcontents. I have watched dozens of families in their interactions and had a lot of the same questions you had in your post today.

    My conclusions:

    Kids take on the vibe of their parents in such subtle ways it is hard to control or even understand. While we think we are being measured and fair in our dealings with them (and we work our butts off to make sure we are), they are picking up something on a much deeper level and incorporating it into how they deal with the world and each other. So if they get that somewhere underneath you’re impatient, or stubborn, or whatever quality you’re noticing in them, chances are you can spot it even closer to home (as in, the mirror). Hard to swallow but good in developing compassion for kids’ behavior.

    Another big reveal for me has been how much “new” parenting techniques actually backfire, like the obsessive desire of parents to make things “fair” for kids (Johnny got a toy, so Jill must get one too, etc.) I tried that and I realize now it was not such a great idea. Fairness is good, right? Mmmm… not always. Do you always get just what your peers get? Nope. And when kids think they will it makes them obsessively compare themselves to each other, squabble for fairness and appeal to the Court of Dad – in that shrill tone that makes you want to go running for Michaels to frame yet another picture, anything to get you out of the house.

    A great book I read about calming this whole sibling dynamic down is Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber. I have other book recommendations in case you’re interested.

    Bottom line is: parenting is hard, and we need to give ourselves a break. We are also in a grand experiment, parenting in a labor-intensive way never before seen in the history of humankind. It used to be that you pushed preschoolers out the door with the older ones and told them to be sure to be back inside by the time the streetlights went on. And, going a bit further back, schoolagers were already hard at work on the family farm. I’m not advocating that we return to this, just pointing out that this child-centric way of raising kids is new, and we are all feeling the pangs of adjusting to it.

    You can feel reassured in the knowledge that you are working hard to give your kids a great life, and that when they are older they won’t pick apart every one of your actions. They’ll just look to see that you loved them and provided for them, and come visit you on Father’s Day.

    Hope that once you got home from the stores you got a hug in. That’s all that matters.

    Maria

  2. Mike Avatar
    Mike

    Hey Craig,

    My three daughters and wife are the only one’s I wanted to be around on Father’s Day.

    They’re my best friends … most of the time 😉

  3. Brantley Whitley Avatar
    Brantley Whitley

    Craig, I can honestly say that I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I have five little boys ages 7 and under, yesterday was the first Father’s Day I’ve had them all together. Individually, I cherish the time I get to have with them. Collectively, it’s like herding cats…restless, wild, alley-cats.

  4. Craig Garber Avatar
    Craig Garber

    Leave it to a woman to inject perfect sense into all this.

    Thanks Maria. CG

  5. Diana Luna Avatar
    Diana Luna

    Hi Craig,

    I enjoyed your confession. I have three daughters 10-12-13. They had planned to spend Father’s day weekend with their dad. My oldest daughter received a text from Dad’s girlfriend on Thursday saying – We aren’t expecting to see you this weekend.

    We spent Father’s Day at my parent’s house cooking out, laughing and eating together. My brother was there and he did not have either of his sons with him. My brother says that he thinks on Father’s day the boys should stay with their mom to “give him the day off.”

    I think the attitude towards parenting that you were running into this weekend is wide spread.

    I am devoted to my girls. Being a parent is the toughest challenge I have experienced in my life. I am in the pre-teen/teen years now. Teenagers are fierce and unforgiving creatures. Do you remember being a teenager? I do.

    I can completely relate to you. I love them but I would love to hide from them sometimes.

    You know those perfect kids on TV are actors don’t you? They have a script to follow, stylists and directors and they are being paid to act that way.

    You sound like a great dad. I am glad you love your children. In the end, all we have is our relationships.

    Thanks!

  6. Craig Garber Avatar
    Craig Garber

    Thanks Diana, yes the teenage years are difficult, and yes I absolutely DO love and adore my kids. Take care, Craig

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