Lick this!

By now, school’s probably back in session no matter where you live, right?

And many businesses realize this is a great chance to capitalize on some serious selling. Remember — in life, perception is reality, and so lots of companies are trying (and in many cases, STRETCHING) to tie what they’re pimping to the “back to school” environment.

So for instance, not only are pencils, notebooks, and new clothes being hocked like there’s no tomorrow, but check out a few other goodies:

Disney is pitching a “back-to-school cell phone” (don’t fret, the “Halloween cell phone” is right around the corner) that has some sort of GPS in it. I guess this is for those parents whose 8 or 9 year old elementary school kids are prone to playing hookey. This way, when they’re skipping school and smoking doobies down by the grassy knoll instead, you’ll be one step ahead of them and you’ll know EXACTLY where they really are.

Baskin-Robbins has some new ice cream flavors and their pitch is to “lick away the back-to-school blues.” Their VP of Marketing says it’s a great way to “reward yourself for all the hard work of going back to school.” I say, “Lick this!” If your family is like mine, the only ones who deserve a reward are the parents, for tolerating being driven nuts 24/7, all summer long while our kids were home. I think some Margarita company would have GREAT success with a “celebrate your kids going back to school and end your summer blues” for parents pitch — but what do I know?

And bread maker Sara Lee has a “Take Your Whole Grain Sandwich To School Day.” Show me a kid who likes whole grain bread, and I’ll show you an adult who likes jock itch. We’re forced into liking whole grain bread once we realize we’re no longer immortal — that one day we’ll be dust in the ground and somehow making ourselves more “regular” is going to help.

Oh, and if your kids are back to school and you work out of your home — enjoy your new freedom! Now you can finally get some work done after that 10 week drought.

Now go sell something, Craig

P.S. Only a fool wouldn’t want to know how this guy got a 42.7% response to his marketing piece. Go to