WORST letter I ever wrote:
I was going through some old files the other day, and I found what has to be… the absolute WORST letter I ever wrote.
It’s a letter I sent out to people back in 2000, when I first started writing sales copy. I was trying to get local clients, and this was my first shot at it. At the time, I was living in Fort Lauderdale, and I’d go through the newspapers looking for people who advertised regularly, and I sent them this letter.
It’s short and sweet… and it’s also absolutely AWFUL, for a number of reasons. We’ll go through them in a minute. But first, read it yourself:
Dear Business Owner,
I see you’re consistently running an ad in the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel West Broward County section
Let’s be honest here: That ad isn’t working very well for you, is it?
And so why do you keep running it over and over again?
I know your ad rep told you you need maximum exposure, but let’s call a spade a spade here:
If it didn’t work the first time, why should it work the 17th time?
Good question, no?
After all — what’s different about your ad the 17th time you ran it, that will all of a sudden make it start pulling for you?
I have a solution for you that is guaranteed to improve the pulling power of your ad:
I am a direct-response copywriter and I am a damn good one!
And if you will give me a shot at fixing your ad, I’ll swear on all that is holy, it will pull MUCH better.
Just give me a call at 954-XXX-XXXX and we can talk about it.
Best regards,
Craig Garber
Gosh, seeing this today, is actually embarrassing. This is SO arrogant and obnoxious, I can’t even imagine what I was thinking at that time.
However, there’s some stuff in here you might be able to learn from, so let’s go through it.
For starters, let’s talk about this very abrupt opening:
“I see you’re consistently running an ad in the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel West Broward County section
Let’s be honest here: That ad isn’t working very well for you, is it?
And so why do you keep running it over and over again?
I know your ad rep told you you need maximum exposure, but let’s call a spade a spade here:
If it didn’t work the first time, why should it work the 17th time?
Good question, no?
After all — what’s different about your ad the 17th time you ran it, that will all of a sudden make it start pulling for you?”
Oh my God, this is SO rude and condescending, I can’t believe I would even THINK of writing something like this.
This is like going on a date and telling her, “Gee, that dress is so old and outdated. I’m shocked you’d wear this to come out with me. How about we go back to my place and screw?”
You’re far better off empathizing with someone than insulting them. Which is obviously something I didn’t understand 13 years ago. You’d be much better off sending them a clipping of their ad taped to the top of a page, with an introduction like this:
“Writing ads isn’t easy.
No matter how many ads you run, and no matter what you say in your ads… you can NEVER seem to attract enough loyal, quality customers, who don’t mind spending money with you.”
As to… “I have a solution for you that is guaranteed to improve the pulling power of your ad:
I am a direct-response copywriter and I am a damn good one!
And if you will give me a shot at fixing your ad, I’ll swear on all that is holy, it will pull MUCH better.
Just give me a call at 954-XXX-XXXX and we can talk about it.”
OOF, this is really bad.
For starters, most people don’t even know what “pulling power” means.
You have to talk in specifics, like “This may sound hard to believe, but with a few subtle tweaks, this same ad you’re running, can deliver 3, 4, or even 5 to 10 times more customers than you’re getting now.
And not just any customers, but qualified customers who are ready to pay you top-dollar, immediately!”
Second, most people also don’t know what a “copywriter” is.
I remember when my sons were in school, they’d tell people I was a copywriter, and people thought that meant, I was somehow involved with putting the little (c) on official documents.
And “Yes,” I’m serious.
You’re better off saying, “I’m a Newspaper Advertising New Customer Specialist. I have a unique ability to take average ads and turn them into incredibly effective ads. Ads that will dramatically change your business… increase your net cash-flow five to ten times… and eliminate any anxiety you may be feeling, about finding new customers.”
Lastly… as far as: “And if you will give me a shot at fixing your ad, I’ll swear on all that is holy, it will pull MUCH better.
Just give me a call at 954-XXX-XXXX and we can talk about it”…
This, too… is just awful.
“It will pull much better,” is absolutely meaningless.
Only marketing and advertising people know what “pull” means, in this context. You have to talk about more responses, more customers, more new clients or patients… whatever. You get what I’m saying here, right?
Good.
Which means you also probably understand why “Just give me a call at 954-XXX-XXXX and we can talk about it”… is also useless.
Call me for what?
For dinner? Drinks? Coffee? A back rub?
Biscuits and high tea?
I don’t think so.
You see, a call to action needs to be specific, like, “I’ve developed a unique 4-Step Advertising Improvement Audit that identifies the three biggest mistakes your current advertising is making… along with one critical selling strategy you must be using, to find a virtually UNLIMITED number of highly qualified new patients.
In fact, this process is guaranteed to at least DOUBLE the number of new (qualified) patients you are currently getting.
I normally charge $197 for this Audit, but if you respond before the date stamped on top of this page… you can have this Audit for $47. And, if for any reason, you’re unhappy with the results… I will give you 100% of your money back, PLUS, I’ll pay you $20 for your time.
No hassles, no problems, and no questions asked. That’s how confident I am about our 4-Step Advertising Improvement Audit… blah blah blah
Big difference, right?
Sure. You can see why NO ONE responded to these ads.
I think you can also see 3 important things:
1. When it comes to writing, your selling strategy is FAR more important than your actual sales copy.
Sometimes this is a difficult concept for people to grasp. They focus on the sales copy to the exclusion of their selling strategy — but this will NEVER give you good results.
It’s like focusing on your workouts but eating junk food. You’re never going to get in shape if you do this. The sum of the parts is always greater than the whole.
Your sales copy — although is’s CRITICAL — is simply the delivery mechanism of your selling strategy. And even great copy can’t overcome bad selling strategy.
2. It is FAR more important to attract business than chase it down.
No one will respond to this — and anyone who does, is calling because they need to be convinced what you’re offering them, will work.
On the other hand… putting out an offer for a Free Report: How To At Least TRIPLE The Results Of Your Newspaper Advertising… will attract some very qualified people.
And on top of this, now they are coming to you, so your positioning is MUCH greater, your leverage is greater, and now YOU control your relationship in that scenario, not your client.
3. Lastly, the truth is — and Gary Halbert told me this, himself — whenever you’re doing things like this, you have to remember… the people who need you the most, are going to want you the least.
In other words, if someone’s advertising is THAT awful, they aren’t very likely to want to work with someone like you. If they wanted to do this, then they’d already have done this, or… their ads wouldn’t be so bad.
Which of course, is even more of a reason why you want to use two-step lead generation with either a free report, or a free webinar, or some kind of responsive education you can offer your prospects.
If nothing else, this is a very good first-step “qualifier.”
Now go sell something, Craig Garber
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listening to: Fire And Rain – James Taylor (1970)