Angels and Demons, open up if you got 'em.

In “The Road Less Traveled,” Scott Peck opens up with what might be a time-bomb for some folks less inclined to deal with reality.  But it’s a reassuring calm for those of us who thrive on self-development that’s often more akin to turning carbon into diamonds than the fantasy some would have us believe it is.

He opens with, “Life is difficult.”

And it is.  Not just for you and me, but for everyone here on this big ball of mud.

I thought of this last night while watching the season finale of Denis Leary’s excellent show, “Rescue Me.”  The show ended with this season’s best episode – a real cliffhanger – that made you think about how individual people handle the sometimes overwhelming difficulties of life.

One of the themes of the show revolves around a group of alcoholics who struggle with their drinking — staying sober and then relapsing from time-to-time.

Addiction is an incredibly difficult monster to master.  For many of these folks, one of the sanest things they can do in their darkest hour and most painful moments of stress, is to attend AA meetings — which they do regularly.

When they are sober.

When they’re not sober, when they’re using… they medicate and relieve stress by drinking.

One of the characters in the show, also a recovering alcoholic, lost his wife in a car accident (she’d been drinking heavily before getting into the car).  His way of coping with this stress was to arm himself with loaded guns and hold all his friends hostage, shooting one of them.

He’s hoping someone will kill him because he’s too afraid to kill himself.

So this got me thinking about just how difficult life is at times, and how different people deal with their stress.

So my question for you today is, how do you deal with the demons in your life?  What do you do when you’re feeling completely stressed out and you’re having a horrible day?

How do you handle crisis or perceived crisis?

I will tell you how I handle it, and then let me know what you do, by posting a comment to this question — even anonymously if you want — here on my blog at http://blog.kingofcopy.com

The lion’s share of stress I tend to deal with comes either from business, or from my kids.  For me, the best thing I can do is to put down the shovel.  Meaning this: human nature is funny.  Whenever we’ve dug a hole for ourselves, we tend to dig faster to get out of it.

What we need to do instead, is to simply put the shovel down for a while and go dig somewhere else.

That’s exactly what I do.  I wish I could tell you I handle stress in some kind of exotic or dramatic way, but I don’t.  I do very boring, very basic stuff to deal with my demons — whether they’re demons from the present, or… demons from the past, which seem to be the worst kind.

I get out of my way as much as I possibly can.  I put down the shovel and go as far away from the situation as possible, and then when I come back, I come back with MUCH more clarity and generally, what bothered me before is fairly insignificant.

Here’s what I do, in no particular order:

*  Go to the gym and work out like a maniac.  I crank up my iPod and turn on the loudest or most moving music I have, and I work out like a rabid dog.  By the time the last rep is completed or by the time the last wheel on the spinning bike is spun… anything bothering me has slipped out of my mind like the sweat slipping off my back.

*  Spend time with my daughter.  There’s nothing more precious than the untainted mind of a child.  At 9, she doesn’t have demons — doesn’t know from having a bad day.  And frankly, when she puts her arms around my shoulders and says “I love you, Daddy,” that’s some of the best mood medicine around.

*  Spend an hour or two with my wife, outside the house.  And don’t do ANY talking about whatever it is that’s bothering me.  Lucky for me, I enjoy my wife’s company, and even after so many years, she still relaxes me.

*  Go out back behind my house and read a non-business book.  Again, for me, getting OUT of the foxhole seems to be the thing that works.  I enjoy reading, and if I can grab a book and take my mind somewhere else for an hour or so when I’m stressed out, that’s perfect.

*  Grab one of my sons and go bass-fishing for an hour or so on my lake.  Again, this is incredibly relaxing, and rest assured when I’m out there, the LAST thing I think about is business.  Plus, that’s the last thing any of my sons wants to hear about, anyway.

Like I said, I wish I had some exciting things to share with you here, but these are the things that work for me.

Look, we all have angels and demons.

And while our angels are taken for granted, it’s the demons who leave us feeling tortured at times… the demons who bring out the worst in ourselves, sometimes leaving us feeling like we have nothing left inside.

Let me know what works for you by posting your comments here on my blog: http://blog.kingofcopy.com

Hey, life IS difficult.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S.  medicine for your sick business

***

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5 responses to “Angels and Demons, open up if you got 'em.”

  1.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    Great article on a difficult subject. But we all got ’em whether we admit it or not. Yoga works for me, similar to your ‘hitting the gym’…
    (Don’t poopoo it, ’til you’ve tried it for at least 5 sessions with a good teacher).

    But like the varied causes of the problems, we each have to find a way to cope. A good self-analysis is probably required; honest but not critical. Problems arise when we can’t or won’t stop digging to take a moment. Again, excellent commentary Craig.

  2. Justin Goodman Avatar

    Craig, this is unrelated to your blog, although reading that was a fresh reminder about “putting down the shovel”. It really prompted me to tell you that your advice helped me in an unexpected way. I have been focused on trying to bring leads to me and optimizing my website, and I am no where near I wanted to be. However, I posted a response to a question on the insurance journal forum about SEO and Google, basically a brief summary of what I learned in the CD interview you sent out with this months newsletter. Long story short, I had two brokers call me to speak with me about consulting for their agencies. I was not effective in closing the deal with them, partly because I have’nt fully gotten my hands around it myself. But it proved to me that there is a marketplace for this in my industry. I just have to harness. I never would have thought about that until this past week.

    Thanks again.

  3. Lauri Avatar

    Thanks for some great commentary on de-stressing. When I’m stressed from anger, I usually clean. I guess it’s sort of a mindless activity similar to the gym.

    The main way I like to get rid of stress is to laugh. I love good stand-up comedy. If there’s no one funny on the comedy channel I’ll find some good comedy on YouTube, and just allow myself to “laugh out loud”.

  4. Charlotte Fleming Avatar

    Hi Craig,
    I get rid of stress by taking the dogs for a walk. It doesn’t even have to be a long or very energetic one; short walks are just as good. What doesn’t work is my equivalent of your gym workout – I’m a skater and if I get on the ice stressed I can’t do a thing, whch stresses me out even more, and could be lethal…

    If it’s dark and pouring with rain (not unusual here in Scotland!), I read a funny book or watch a comedy DVD. I totally agree with Lauri that laughter’s the best stress-buster there is.

    And I have been known to have a glass of wine or malt whisky; not like the guys at the top of your piece, just a soothing dose of bottled sunshine to restore tranquility.

    If none of the above is possible: breathe in, breathe out, breathe in more deeply, breathe out more slowly [repeat as necessary].

    1. Craig Avatar

      Anonymous – “honest but not critical” – very wise…

      Justin – thanks… that’s why I’m “the King” 🙂

      Lauri – Laughing at myself is also very good I find

      Charlotte – you are being bashful re: the single malt! I also heard from another client today how much it’s raining over there – he’s in Manchester. Glad to hear from you and take care!

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